Fat guys in a little ring

I love me some sumo, as anyone who read my sports sections at the Jakarta Globe will attest. Maybe it's just my background as an offensive lineman, but the combination of speed, agility and ferocity from such large men is fascinating to me. I also find sumo interesting because of how it's considered more than just a sport, that it's considered almost a national treasure as something so uniquely Japanese.

If that last sentence has a ring of Japanese exceptionalism to it, you're probably right. There's more than a bit of that going around in sumo, especially now that the Japan Sumo Association has shown its true, nativist colors. That's par for the course in Japan, though, and not just in sports. One thing I've learned in my years as an expat is you can rail against the injustices in your life all you like, and they may well change in time, but in the meantime you either find a way to coexist or go crazy. For now, I choose to coexist.

The January basho started on Sunday in Tokyo, and Mongolian wrestler Hakuho is the prohibitive favorite, as he has been since countryman Asashoryu lost his rag one too many times. However, my cheering interest is with Baruto for two reasons -- 1) He, along with Kotooshu, is one of the few honkies in the top flight; and 2) He's the best thing to come out of Estonia since Mart Poom. Unfortunately, my guy lost via hikiotoshi to Toyonoshima on Day 1. It's still early days with 14 rounds to go, though.

Best of all, I can catch all the action now that the First Media people showed up to install my cable. NHK costs an extra 100,000 rupiah per month -- which is odd as it used to be part of the News & Information package -- but I suppose I'll pay it all the same. The J-League and Japanese Pro Baseball will start up again before too long, making for a good start to almost any Saturday between March and October.

If all goes well here, I plan to take some time off in late March/early April and visit Kyoto. The timing seems to line up -- I'd be able to take in the blooming cherry blossoms, see the old capital's myriad shrines and temples, take in some soccer, sumo and baseball and maybe even see an old friend or two. It will be expensive, of course, but I might as well do what I want while I still have the ability to take vacation.

Suspension of disbelief

It isn't nice or neighborly to cast aspersions and make assumptions about the intelligence of people you haven't met ... but, boy, is it easy sometimes.

Police in Bekasi arrested a so-called shaman on Tuesday for allegedly swindling a man out of Rp 400 million ($44,400) by claiming he could double or triple a sum of bank notes within a short period of time.

The suspect, whom police have identified as Mustofa Kamal, allegedly told the victim he could control something he called “miracle money,” which grew exponentially the more money the victim gave him.

Bekasi Police Chief Comr. Ade Ary Syam Indradi said the victim, Wagino Harjo, of East Bekasi, reported Mustofa to police after the miracle funds did not materialize.

“So far we have only confirmed one victim, but this shaman says he duped three people in the past three months. We are looking for the other two,” Ade said.

The arrest comes two days after police announced the arrests of a former Tangerang mayor and his wife. They are accused of bilking people out of billions of rupiah by promising to increase their fortunes through special prayers and magic.

Mr. Mustofah is apparently a fan of Dire Straits. I'm not so sure I'd want my name put into the public by police if I got caught asking a shaman to produce money from nothing.

Of course, succumbing to superstition isn't exclusive to the littles. People of great wealth and power are just as susceptible to letting their brains go on vacation in the face of a bit of wizardry. In Romania, witchcraft is a matter of life and death -- and, more importantly, taxes.

Angry witches are using cat excrement and dead dogs to cast spells on the president and government who are forcing them to pay taxes. Also in the eye of the taxman are fortune tellers, who should have seen it coming. [Boom! -- Ed.]

And President Traian Basescu isn't laughing it off. In a country where superstition is mainstream, the president and his aides wear purple on Thursdays, allegedly to ward off evil spirits.

Witches from Romania's eastern and western regions will descend to the southern plains and the Danube River Thursday to threaten the government with spells and spirits. Mauve has a high vibration, it makes the wearer superior and wards off evil attacks, according to the esoteric group Violet Flame — which practices on Thursdays.

A dozen witches will head to the Danube to put a hex on the government and hurl mandrake into the river "so evil will befall them," said a witch named Alisia. She identified herself with one name, as is customary among witches.

"This law is foolish. What is there to tax, when we hardly earn anything?" she said by telephone on Wednesday. "The lawmakers don't look at themselves, at how much they make, their tricks; they steal and they come to us asking us to put spells on their enemies."

The world throws up dozens of these kind of stories every day -- the sometimes cute, sometimes puzzling tales that at some point have you thinking "well, that's dumb, but it's mostly harmless."

Most times, it is. But not always.

Quote of the Year

We're less than a week into 2011, but this will be hard to top. This from Ben Olsen, via Steve Goff:

"Yesterday, I come to work, first day, a new year, optimism, I walk in, and who greets me in the hallway?" D.C. United's newly appointed head coach said Tuesday at RFK Stadium. "A cockroach, the biggest one I've ever seen. He wasn't moving for me. He looked me dead in the eyes and was like, 'Look, I am not moving.' So I said, 'Good morning, Happy New Year,' and walked by. He tipped his hat to me. He was hung over from New Year's. He had the little horn in his mouth and the party hat."

That sounds like the RFK I know and love. It's not the sexiest, most modern stadium you'll ever find, but it has plenty of character and history within its walls. I can't blame DC United for wanting to move out and find its own digs, though, so hopefully they'll find a good home somewhere close to DC and do right by all the fervent support that's carried the club since its inception.

"I do love it here, I really do," Olsen said, trying not to burst into laughter -- or perhaps tears. "It's always something. It's great. It's our RFK."

Score one for sanity

The ledger is a bit out of whack, true, but even small victories are still victories.

Uganda's High Court has ruled that the media should not publish the names and photos of gay Ugandans following a vitriolic campaign in the east African country which urged citizens to hang those featured.
...
The ruling follows years of persecution of gay Ugandans. Many Ugandans accuse gay men and women of recruiting children to a gay lifestyle, a charge activists reject as preposterous. The government was even considering a bill last year to make homosexuality punishable by death and imprison those who did not report gay friends or family members, a proposal that was quietly shelved after international outrage.

Homosexuality is already illegal in Uganda but recently gay rights groups have begun protesting their treatment.

The activists who brought the case against the magazine to court were only three of 100 Ugandans listed in the magazine in October. They said they were attacked after they were identified as gay underneath a banner headline reading "Hang them."

The magazine also published the home addresses of those it accused of being gay, and several of those featured in its pages said they were subjected to vigilante attacks.

That's right, kids. Never mind all that malarkey about "love thy neighbor," "hate the sin, love the sinner," "do unto others" or "turn the other cheek" -- there's hangin' to be done!

All in the name of the Lord, of course.

Gays in Uganda say they have faced a year of harassment and attacks since the bill's introduction.

The legislation was drawn up following a visit by leaders of U.S. conservative Christian ministries that promote therapy they say allows gays to become heterosexual.

"Before the introduction of the bill in parliament most people did not mind about our activities. But since then, we are harassed by many people who hate homosexuality," said Patrick Ndede, 27. "The publicity the bill got made many people come to know about us and they started mistreating us."

So when Christians are persecuted, we're all supposed care very deeply and hurry to their aid. When Christians do the persecuting, though, we're told not to impose our values on other cultures and look the other way because it's all for the good of the kids.

I have a problem

The first step is admitting it, right?

If there's one thing I learned from "All Quiet on the Western Front," it's that a man has to have at least one vice. To be honest, I'm largely a failure in that area. I don't drink, smoke, do drugs, have sex or gamble ... yes, I'm a disgrace to journalism. Unless changing jobs every other year is suddenly on the list, I think my biggest vice is buying entirely too many books. Harmless? Sure, right up until you have to pack up your life again and schlep it all to yet another country.

My collection of books got trimmed roughly in half when I moved from Nebraska to Oregon, and halved again between Oregon and Hawaii. Moving overseas saw that amount shrink still more, to the point where it all fit in one box (a box that took 14 months to get to Indonesia from Hawaii, but that's a whole other story). After two years in Jakarta, though, the pile is starting to get unwieldy again. Personally, I blame finding the big Kinokuniya store in Plaza Senayan and multiple trips to Singapore (and the Borders on Orchard Road).

I recently polished off "How to Survive a Horror Movie," a fun little how-to guide by Seth Grahame-Smith. It's in the same vein as similar books on how to survive alien invasions and robot uprisings (they all pale in comparison to the Zombie Survival Guide, of course), and it had the depth and style one might expect from an author whose first book was "The Big Book of Porn." Chapters include Slasher Survival School, What to Do When an Evil Vehicle Wants You Did, etc. This one is a keeper, if only for the horror movie viewing list in the appendix. I also picked up Anthony Bourdain's "Medium Raw" in the same trip (which is odd since it's not supposed to be in paperback until May), but I'm saving that until I finish his previous book, "The Nasty Bits."

More economic stimulus -- oh, so much more -- after the break.